August 4th: What is a peacemaking attorney?
“What is a peacemaking attorney?” Someone asked me that question the other day, and I was drawn to my own personal experience as an attorney. When I started practicing law some 27 years ago, I thought of myself as a modern day gunslinger or “hired gun.”
As a hired gun, I was using the law either to force someone to do what my client wanted that person to do or I was protecting my client from being forced to do something someone else wanted them to do that they did not want to do.
As I matured in my practice, I began to see lawyers as “conflict managers,” as apposed to mere hired guns. Transactional lawyers managed potential conflict by drafting agreements in a way that anticipated future conflict and allocated risk among the parties to the agreement, and litigators managed actual current conflict as they argued with each other over their respective clients’ rights and responsibilities and they asked judges, juries and/or arbitrators to resolve the identified conflicts among their respective clients.
I have since come to think of lawyers as having the potential, at least, to be “conflict healers,” helping their clients to resolve conflict in a manner that is for the good of all without focusing on winners and losers and the need to dominate and avoid domination in order to prevail.
I haven’t used the expression “peacemaking attorney” before now, although it seems to fit. I like to think of myself as a “transformational lawyer,” one who teaches his clients to transform their legal problems into opportunities for personal growth and positive change. I do that by inviting them to take 100% responsibility for their lives, (to use a Jack Canfield expression).
I ask my clients to choose to believe that the legal situation that they find themselves in is the result of choices that they have made in the past and that when they made those choices they were doing the best they possibly could, given the resources available to them at the time.
I also ask my clients to believe that everyone else who has been involved in their lives and in their legal problems has also done the best they possibly could, given the resources available to them.
Now, they are all free to make new choices that may better serve all of them to achieve their respective goals and to offer others in their lives resources that may have not been available to them before. This way the parties to a legal problem can achieve their goals in a way that is compatible with the other parties’ achieving their goals.
From this perspective, it has been my experience that conflict can be resolved in a synergistic fashion and peace can often be made effortlessly, contributing to the welfare of all involved. Everyone benefits. I call what I do a coach approach to the practice of law, but I don’t think that the name is so important.
Today I will call myself a “peacemaking attorney,” as well as a “transformational lawyer.†Crafting synergistic solutions to legal problems sounds to me like a great way to make peace. What do you think?
July 26th: What’s a Thursday Sandwich?
What’s a Thursday Sandwich? When my clients come to me worried about how hard they are struggling, worried about the future, worried about achieving their goals, and worried about how and when they will achieve them, I have a tendency to talk to them about what I have come to call a Thursday Sandwich.
To understand what a Thursday Sandwich is you will have to be familiar with Deepak Chopra’s “7 Spiritual Laws of Success,” one of my favorite personal growth books. I refer to it on a regular basis. If you haven’t read this wonderful little book yet, please do yourself a favor and do so at your earliest convenience.
The seven chapters of this amazing book each discuss one of the seven laws referred to in the title. Since there are seven days of the week, many of the readers of this book have taken to referring to each of the laws by the name of a day of the week.
- Sunday’s Law is the Law of Pure Potentiality;
- Monday’s Law is the Law of Giving;
- Tuesday’s Law is the Law of “Karma†or Cause and Effect;
- Wednesday’s Law is the Law of Least Effort;
- Thursday’s Law is the Law of Intention and Desire;
- Friday’s Law is the Law of Detachment;
- Saturday’s Law is the Law of “Dharma†or Purpose in Life.
So, on Sundays, I tend to dwell upon my potential and the potential of others around me; on Mondays, I tend to dwell on giving and receiving and to marvel at my experience that the more I freely give of myself and of what I have and know, the more I seem to receive in abundance;
On Tuesdays I particularly remind myself of the Law of Karma and dwell in the knowingness that we reap what we sow, everything that we do or do not do has its consequences, often unintended and unforeseen, but consequences, none-the-less. I think that it is important to acknowledge that, accept that, be OK with that, take responsibility for that.
On Wednesdays I like to remember the Law of Least Effort, to remember that life was meant to be effortless and if I am really struggling with something, then maybe it just isn’t the right time for me to be doing what it is that I am struggling to do, to achieve what I am struggling to achieve, to have what I am struggling to have.
On Thursdays I tend to focus on the Law of Intention and Desire, goal-setting. What is it that I intend to accomplish this year, this month, this week, this day, this moment? What can I do to clarify that intention?
On Fridays, I think of the Law of Detachment and remind myself not to be so caught up in the how and the when of achieving my goals, but rather to allow the Universe to assist me in those areas.
Of course Saturday’s law, the Law of Dharma or Life’s purpose, provides me with the ideal context in which to place and use all of the other Laws of the week. This leads me to the Thursday Sandwich.
I have come to believe that Thursday’s law, the Law of Intention and Desire, is used to best effect when consciously sandwiched in between Wednesday’s Law, the Law of Least Effort, and Friday’s Law, the Law of Detachment.
It is good to have clear goals, intentions and desires, but I am convinced that I will achieve my goals most effectively, freely and effortlessly, when I sandwich them between the delectable slices of nutrient-rich bread that are Wednesday’s Law and Friday’s Law, a commitment that my goals be achieved effortlessly, without struggle and a detachment as to how or when they will be achieved.
Hence, a Thursday Sandwich: Set forth your goals with clarity, being committed to achieve them effortlessly without struggle and being detached as to the when or how that they will be achieved.
Let the Universe determine the how and the when! That’s what’s a Thursday Sandwich!
November 1st: 11th Annual International Coach Federation Conference
Here I am in Saint Louis and the 11th Annual ICF Conference is about to begin. This year’s theme is “Quantum Thinking on Human Potential.”
This 4-day event is bound to provide me with insights and food for thought on how to better serve my clients by applying a coach approach to the practice of law.
I attended the ICF Conference in San Jose, CA last year and was inspired to take my practice to a higher level. It was at the ICF Conference last year that I met the Lucid Living folks and heard Rianne Eisler speak, among other things.
It is my intention this year to post additional entries as the conference progresses.
Stay tuned!
September 28th: Forgiveness
A few days ago, I signed up for a series of 52 daily “forgiveness messages.†The messages are called With Forgiveness. This is the URL where you can sign up: http://www.withforgiveness.com/
Forgiveness is an interesting concept for me. One of the beliefs I have chosen for myself is that forgiveness may not be enough to create true peace; love and gratitude can take you farther. That is to say loving others and yourself unconditionally and being grateful for everything that happens in your life, even those things that have caused you pain and should be forgiven provides greater peace than just forgiving someone or yourself for a hurtful act.
There is a sign on my desk next to my computer monitor that reads: “Is this worth my Energy?†I keep it there to remind me that when I am judging, resentful, feeling hurt or guilty, I am using my energy on something that I may not be in a position to change. If I can’t change it, then I am using my energy in violation of the Serenity Prayer and that’s a waste of time.
Here is yesterday’s affirmation from With Forgiveness:
I forgive myself for condemning and judging others. I recognize when I condemn others I am condemning myself. We are all one and there is no difference between that person and me.
Check out the With Forgiveness web site and let me know what you think.
August 3rd: Alchemy Network Workshop
I attended the Alchemy Network “Life Bliss” retreat weekend from July 21st to July 23rd, 2006 in Sechelt, BC – Canada. The workshop was conducted by my personal life coach and close friend, Jean-Pierre LeBlanc.
This was my 8th Alchemy weekend in the last three years. I always pick up something valuable from these retreats. This time we focused on enneagrams, which deal with nine different basic personality types. If you are interested in learning more about enneagrams going to the Enneagram Institute web site would be a good place to start. Enneagrams are an alternative method of assessing personality types to the Myers-Briggs test and the DISC test.
There are a lot of personality and communication style assessments out there. My current assessment of these assessments is that they all have something to offer and the more we can do to discern personality differences without pigeon-holing people, the more empathic and less judgmental we can become in dealing with other people. This can be a good thing.
There are a number of forces that influence who we are: in addition to choice, we have genetic make up, birth order, gender, nutrition, exercise, education, having nurturing parents, not having nurturing parents, having nurturing mentors, not having nurturing mentors, physical challenges, psychological challenges, and emotional challenges to name just a few. All of these influences blend together, some with greater impact than others, and the result is the unique human beings we are. I find this fascinating and very useful when considering our clients, opposing parties, opposing counsel and ourselves. Hmm, that’s an interesting expression “opposing counsel.”