Archive for Choosing Beliefs
Wikipedia defines “Choice†as follows:
Choice consists of the mental process of thinking involved with the process of judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one of them for action. Some simple examples include deciding whether to get up in the morning or go back to sleep and selecting a given route to make a journey across a country. More complex examples (often decisions that affect what a person thinks or their core beliefs) include choosing a religious affiliation, such as Christianity, or deciding on a political party of choice, such as Republican or Democrat.
Wikipedia defines “Belief†as:
the psychological state in which an individual is convinced of the truth of a proposition. Like the related concepts truth, knowledge, and wisdom, there is no precise definition of belief on which scholars agree…
We all have beliefs, lots of them. However, many of us have never bothered to reflect on how we managed to acquire all of these beliefs. (Some of us don’t even think of them as beliefs; they are just “facts,†true statements about life, people, the world.) The truth of the matter is that we have chosen each and every belief that we hold, and just because we believe that something is true today, doesn’t mean that we will believe that it is true tomorrow.
For example, when I was growing up in the 1950’s and 60’s, I was taught, (and I chose to believe) that the Earth was the third planet from the Sun in a Solar system that consisted of nine planets and that the last and smallest planet in the Solar system was Pluto. However, if, once again, we consult Wikipedia, we find that:
[I]n the late 20th and early 21st centuries many objects similar to Pluto were discovered in the outer solar system, most notably the scattered disc object Eris, which is 27% more massive than Pluto. As a result, on August 24, 2006 the [International Astronomical Union (“IAUâ€)] defined the term “planet” for the first time. This definition excluded Pluto from planethood, and reclassified it under the new category of dwarf planet along with Eris and Ceres. After the reclassification, Pluto was added to the list of minor planets and given the number 134340.
So, today, lots of people no longer believe that Pluto is the Sun’s 9th planet because they respect the knowledge accumulated regarding this matter by the folks at the IAU and they, therefore, take the IAU pronouncement as fact. Others disagree because they were taught that Pluto was the 9th planet from the Sun, they have always “known†that Pluto was the9th planet from the Sun, and it, therefore, is going to stay 9th planet from the Sun! I will leave that debate to others, tipping in the direction of accepting the IAU’s current position, until it changes. Choosing whether or not to believe that Pluto is the 9th planet from the Sun just doesn’t have a great impact on my life.
There are other choices, however, that do have an impact on my life. Here are two that I want to talk about today:
1. You can choose to believe that the past is perfect simply because you cannot change it.
Why would I want to do that? Let’s take a closer look.
I often ask my clients to consider the possibility that the past is perfect simply because you cannot change it.
I start by asking them if they believe that they can change the past. So far, I haven’t met a single client who has told me that he or she can do that.
Then I tell them that I, for one, once I have chosen to believe that something is NOT perfect, will want to find ways to make it more perfect. It’s human nature. I am going to want to CHANGE it.
Well, we have already agreed that we cannot change the past.
Therefore, if we choose to believe that the past is not perfect we are CONDEMNING OURSELVES to wanting to change something that we simply CANNOT change.
That, my friends, is CRAZY MAKING!
Why would you ever want to do that to yourself? Why would you choose to drive yourself crazy chasing your tail trying to do something that you know you simply cannot do?
However, that is EXACTLY what you do when you choose to believe that the past is not perfect. And most people do.
The result is anger, frustration, guilt, resentment, any of a long list of emotions that eat away at your mind, your body and your soul.
Why would you ever want to do that to yourself? Don’t! Instead, just choose to believe that the past is perfect simply because you cannot change it.
You don’t need any more reason than that.
2. You can choose to believe that everyone does the best they possibly can, given the resources available to them.
Why would I want to do that? Well, let’s see.
I often ask my clients to consider the possibility that everyone in their lives does the best they possibly can, given the resources available to them, and I emphasize the “given the resources available to them†part.
Just as when you choose to believe that the past is not perfect, you want to change it, if you choose to believe that someone else is NOT doing the best they possibly could, you are going to want them to do BETTER, to do their BEST. The problem with that desire is that you have no control over it.
The truth of the matter is that you can’t make anyone else do anything! It is always THEIR CHOICE how to behave, what to do, what not to do, not yours.
This is where the Serenity Prayer comes in. Asking for the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference is much easier when you believe that everyone does the best they possibly can, given the resources available to them. You get to focus on what YOU can change, and that’s YOU, your thoughts, your beliefs, your actions.
When you choose to believe that everyone does the best they can, given the resources available to them, your focus can shift from making other people wrong for not doing what you want them to do, to looking for ways to help them to acquire the resources they will need to produce the result that you desire.
Rather than being filled with anger and resentment toward these others because you are not experiencing the outcome you anticipated or desired, you feel compassion for them because they are doing the best they can; they just need more and better resources. Now the inquiry is “How can I help?†“How do we get them the resources they need?†rather than “Why can’t you . . .?†“Why won’t they . . .?†All of a sudden, you are in a collaborative problem-solving mode, rather than one of shame and blame, anger and resentment. All of your energy is used constructively, moving forward toward a solution to your mutual problem, rather than wasting effort and vital energy parceling out blame.
So, if you combine the belief that the past is perfect (and therefore, any “mistakes†that you have made in the past have been transformed into “perfect†opportunities for personal growth and positive change) with the belief that everyone else is doing the best they possibly can, given the resources available to them, (and therefore, you feel compassion for them and want to help them acquire more and better resources), you then give yourself maximum power and control over your present so that all of your energy can be used and focused on crafting solutions to the problems that you are currently facing and to take maximum advantage of the opportunities that those problems present.
You are free to choose your beliefs. Choose beliefs that serve you!